Loosing It

As I open the door it feels surreal. I feel like I'm floating, everything is in slow motion. I feel like I'm in space. God what did I eat for lunch? Did someone spike my lunch with some acid trip. It's like I've lost my mind.

I move through my day I feel as if I'm responding to everyone in S...L...O...W mode. Everything is S...L..O...W...E..D right down. Seriously, what is happening to me? I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. Oh god, maybe I'm about to have a panic attack. Maybe I am actually having a panic attack right NOW! I feel like I'm going to loose it, arghh...

"Beth", someone calls out my name, calling me out of my crazy head talk. It's my boss. He calls out my name again, once, twice, three times. He virtually shouts in my ear. "BETH!" "What are you doing? Are you alright? Can you hear me? I need those reports on my desk before close of business today."

He's shouting at me (well it feels that way). I feel sensitive to the noise. OMIGOD I'm having a breakdown that's what it is. I'm going to fall on the floor and the ambulance will be called and they'll say Beth has gone mad and she needs a shot. Never to be heard of again. They'll have shipped me off to the asylum.

Mmmmm I wander what the Paramedic will look like? I do ope I at least get a decent looking one. Oh maybe he'll be the man of my dreams, maybe this was all meant to be. My breakdown happed for a reason. So I could loose my mind and find my man in the same breath. Oh god, what am I saying. I'm happy to loose my mind as long as I get my man.

Ok Beth, breath!

You are not loosing it. You may be 33, single, in a job that doesn't excite you in the slightest, inspire or pay you well, you may have dreams and aspirations that you never really fulfill and you may live a life you don't really love. But hey, at least you have your mind! Oh bonus. And now I may be loosing my mind.

"BETH", my boss shouts to me, snapping me back in to reality. "Reports before you leave tonight, got it! :Ahhhh yeah Ted got it. Great, yeah, um, no probs", I fumble back.

Oh excellent, and now I'm going to have to work back late and sit here suffering this life I don't love in silence for a few hours longer, excellent.